ESPN vs. Extraaa Innings

Today I learned about Mandira Bedi, the Suzy Kolber of India (reference for Matt's benefit, although from what I can read she's no Suzy Kolber when it comes to actually understanding the game), who is famous for 3 things:

1) Being a female cricket commentator.

2) Spurring Indian men to watch even more cricket than they already do, much to the dismay of Indian women.

3) Wearing risque 'noodle strapped' blouses under her saris.

Anyway, just thought I'd pass along important cultural references to my readers. ;)

Mumbai: Not the disaster it was last time

In fact, I actually had a nice time. I had an AMAZING meal with real wine at Indigo, which Conde Nast rates as one of the top 60 restaurants in the world. They even had a special menu prepared for me that said "Miss Suzie" at the top. I also shopped around a bit and did some of my best-ever bargaining on earrings.

Even though I had fun, bad stories are funnier than good ones so here are a few:

1) My cabbie from the airport put on the meter (which doesn't show price, just some random numbers that you match up at the end with the prices listed on an official fare card). But, when we arrived at the hotel he pretended not to have the fare card and quoted me an expensive price. I said that was illegal and wouldn't pay him till he found a fare card, so it miraculously appeared. Of course, he had over-priced me by 150 rupees. Then he pretended not to have change since he was mad I wouldn't pay a 33% mark-up on a price that was already 30% too much (we took the long route) according to the hotel. He was like, "Just an extra 50 rupees, ma'am." Trying to be all charming. And I'm like, "Why would I give you an extra 50 rupees? You lied to me. Is it because I'm American?" and he was like, "Yes ma'am. Please just another 50 or 100 rupees." Made me so mad.

2.) My hotel had a 'business suite' on the 8th floor with internet, but the person who was supposed to man it was MIA. I went down to the front desk and they told me they'd send someone up shortly to log me in. I asked if they could just give me a password and they were like, "No, ma'am." I waited and even went back down to remind them and was assured someone was on his way, but after an HOUR of waiting, still no sign of humanity. I had to leave for my dinner reservation and they were like, "Ma'am, the internet room closes in 30 minutes, so if you leave you won't be able to use it." I was like, "It's essentially been closed all day! I need internet and someone better be there when I get back from dinner.

Anyway, when I got back sure enough there was a guy waiting for me, but he made me sit and wait for 15 more minutes while he checked his PERSONAL EMAIL ACCOUNT! If he had been doing his job, he could have been checking his email ALL DAY. I got so mad I was like, "Do you get paid to be here? Because I'm PAYING to be here and I've been waiting HOURS now to use this for work." He was like, "One more minute ma'am" and tried to be charming and tell me about the wonderful hotel bar while he slowly typed personal emails with one finger. He also tried to leave the timer logged in, probably so that I would pay for his personal internet usage as well as my own.

The only positive was he typed so slowly that I was able to see the login and password so I could go back and use internet later without his supervision (also since I knew from experience that he doesn't bother to do his job, so no one would see me sneak in and get free internet.

3) I had an hour to kill at a mall before going to the airport and my bag was SOOOO heavy, so I decided to just get a pedicure (I was at a mall and sick of walking around and shopping). It was the worst pedicure of my life. The guy tried to cut off a blister on my pinkie toe. I get chills just thinking about it. I'll probably get tetanus or something. He also whittled my big toenails to a quick even though I specifically asked him to keep them long about 4 times.

4) I got stuck in 1.5 hours of traffic on the 5 mile trip to the airport, and only arrived 40 minutes before my departure. Also, my cabbie (a nice, honest one) dropped me off at the wrong terminal. The security guys said it was only a 5 minute walk to my terminal, but I couldn't see it and everything is '5 minutes' here so I was skeptical. Anyway, I set out on foot and a relentlessly annoying rickshaw driver drove next to me for about 10 minutes (not exaggerating) and kept being like, "It's 2km to your terminal ma'am. 30 minutes walk. Very far. I give you ride." and he WOULD NOT go away. Finally, I was like, "Is it really 2 km or are you just trying to cheat me?" And he said, "Very far, ma'am. 30 minute walk." So I said, "You better not be lying to me or I'm not going to pay you" and just got in because if he was telling the truth, I would have missed my plane and I've DONE things like that before because I've either been too cheap or stubborn or untrusting, and that would have sucked.

Anyway, my terminal was about 50 feet away -- not exaggerating -- I probably could have walked faster, and he tried to charge me 110 rupees! Plus, he lied. I gave him 10 (which was WAY more than I should have) and told him he didn't even deserve that because he was a liar and a cheat. He was like, "I am a good man, ma'am. You American. You give me more money. 10 rupees is very bad."

Anyway, those are my maddening Mumbai stories.

Five not-so-Easy Pieces

This scene reminds me of a lot of some of the experiences I've had recently:

Bobby: I'd like a plain omelet. No potatoes, tomatoes instead. A cup of coffee and wheat toast.

Waitress: No substitutions.

Bobby: What do you mean? You don't have any tomatoes?

Waitress: Only what's on the menu. You can have a number two - a plain omelet. It comes with cottage, fries, and rolls.

Bobby: Yea, I know what it comes with, but it's not what I want.

Waitress: I'll come back when you make up your mind.

Bobby: Wait a minute, I have made up my mind. I'd like a plain omelet, no potatoes on the plate. A cup of coffee and a side order of wheat toast.

Waitress: I'm sorry, we don't have any side orders of toast. I'll give you a English muffin or a coffee roll.

Bobby: What do you mean "you don't make side orders of toast"? You make sandwiches, don't you?

Waitress: Would you like to talk to the manager?

Bobby: You've got bread. And a toaster of some kind?

Waitress: I don't make the rules.

Bobby: OK, I'll make it as easy for you as I can. I'd like an omelet, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And a cup of coffee.

Waitress: A number two, chicken sal san. Hold the butter, the lettuce, the mayonnaise, and a cup of coffee. Anything else?

Bobby: Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.

Waitress: You want me to hold the chicken, huh?

Bobby: I want you to hold it between your knees.

Sari shopping

Today Charise and I went shopping for saris to wear to our office holiday party. You'll have to wait to see what we ended up with, though, because they are not the saris in the picture! I'm not convinced they'll stay on, or that we'll be able to put them on at all.



I'm proud of us because we did it totally by ourselves. First we bought the silk, then we went to a tailor and got fitted for little bodices and petticoats to wear underneath.

Okra for dinner

I know all my posts are about eating, but that's kind of my life. We were joking today about how odd it is that every weekend we arrange for drivers to pick us up and bring us to fancy hotel restaurants. I can't imagine this being my social life back in Les Etats Unis.

Tonight it was the tiki-inspired Marriot. Matt, we'll have to go there when you visit. Lots of Easter Island-esque rock decor and torches everywhere. Kind of looked like the set of Survivor.



As with most Indian hotels, it had a lavish buffet. Here's Emily with a custard fruit, one of the more fascinating examples of local produce:



Here's the whole group:



The rest of this weekend will be busy. Tomorrow I'm going sari shopping for the holiday party (also at the Marriot), and on Sunday I'm off to Mumbai. Hope it goes better than last time!

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was fun... Roy and Leigh Anne graciously invited all of the expats to their house for dinner -- and they somehow found real turkey, pumpkin pie, wine, stuffing, etc. It was a good time and I think most of us were done in by the tryptophan around 9:00pm.

Here's Roy carving (one of) the turkey(s):



Here's everyone intensely focused on eating:



And this is the recovery period:

Team dinner at Fusion 9

Turkey day update

My team scheduled a 'team lunch' today, which I thought was kind of odd since we just had a team dinner last night. But half the things that happen here are rituals everyone but me seems to know about, so I just assumed they felt overcome by team spirit and wanted to spend more quality time together.

Anyway, it turned out they wanted to surprise me and had ordered turkey subs from Subway in celebration of Thanksgiving! They said it was the only turkey they could find. So sweet...

Gobble, gobble!

Happy Thanksgiving! Although my Thanksgiving just won't be the same without my loved ones, I'll be feeling thankful for all of you from afar.

It's safe to say that my Thanksgiving highlight already happened. I was interviewed by The Hindu, a big newspaper here, to shed some light on our exotic holiday:

Suzannah Dewey, an American from San Francisco, who is currently in Hyderabad also has plans for the weekend.

"I normally celebrate thanksgiving with a bunch of my close friends living in California, and we all make our best family recipes. We usually have turkey, stuffing, potatoes, and lots of different types of pie. This year, I'll probably celebrate Thanksgiving with some other expat Americans living in Hyderabad." Suzannah adds that thanksgiving is her favourite holiday because it's not commercialised and it's about celebrating good food, good company and feeling grateful for the things we have.

"I have childhood memories of helping my mother in the kitchen, and the smells of fresh coffee, baking fruit pies, and roasting turkey fill the house. Thanksgiving is about taking a break to appreciate how lucky we are," she says.

You can read the full story here.

Sales conference

My company's India sales conference was held last weekend, and was really fun. A famous Indian band called Euphoria performed for over 4 hours, and the crowd danced the whole time. Here are some photos:



Euphoria performing:




Suzie and Charise:


Suzie, David and Tanja:


Emily, Simon and Jeff:


Alysia gettin' down:


Joanne:


Joel and Anna:


Maya, Roli, and Aparna:

Charminar and the bangle bazaars

Today we did more exploring in Hyderabad. Smirti and Ashok from the office were excellent tour guides and showed us around. First we went to Charminar, a famous tour in Old Hyderabad, the Muslim part of the city.







Indian kids loooove to be photographed. They're always asking you to take their picture, and then they like to see themselves in the digital camera playback window. It works out well for the tourist since they're really cute and photogenic. This little guy asked me if I would take his picture. He was selling strings of Hyderabad pearls (or more likely, fake pearls) outside Charminar:



Then we went bangle shopping at the bazaars, which must have been very boring for Ashok. I've never seen so many bracelets in such a small area. The shops literally glow with all the bling:





Bangles galore!





Here I am at a place called Eat Street where we went for dinner:



Eat Street is a little strip located alongside the lake in the center of Hyderabad. There are kiddie rides there, and a bunch of outdoor restaurants where you can sit and gaze out at Hyderabad's famous Buddha statue in the middle of the lake.

While we were there, I got a tarot reading. It was awesome because parrots choose your fortune for you. I felt kind of badly because the parrots were sleeping when I sat down, and the man had to tap their cage to wake them. One of them shook himself into alertness, dutifully marched out of his cage, and chose a card for me before turning around and going back to bed:



Key takeaways from my reading:
- I have to be careful in November (reasons ambiguous)
- December will be fabulous
- My hardest times are behind me (yay!)
- I should concentrate on giving to the poor and needy because I tend to live extravagantly
- I will live to be exactly 94
- I should not get my fortune told again for another year (reasons ambiguous)



Here are Smirti and Ashok on Eat Street:

A weird-but-not-totally-unsurprising story from India

(Copied from The Boston Globe)

20 eunuchs to collect taxes in India

November 9, 2006

PATNA, India --They are India's new tax collectors. Dancing and singing to the beat of drums, about 20 eunuchs in bright saris began going from shop to shop, asking the owners to pay overdue municipal taxes in Patna, the capital of Bihar, one of India's most impoverished and lawless states.

They were hired by Patna's Municipal Corporation on Wednesday after the city's tax arrears ran into the millions, said Atul Prasad, the municipal administrator.

Revenue officials accompany the eunuchs with tax records to settle the outstanding arrears on the spot.

Indian rulers once castrated boys to create eunuchs to work in their harems. But eunuchs today are generally males with partial genitals or who opt for castration because of strong female feelings.

They often make a living on tips for dancing at weddings and blessing newborn babies, and are believed to be stubborn and not take no for an answer.

The new tax collectors met with considerable success in their first day in the job. They collected 425,000 rupees ($9,240) from shop owners, said Bharat Sharma, a revenue officer.

"We are confident that their reputation and persuasive skills will come in handy for the municipal authorities to collect taxes from defaulters," Sharma told The Associated Press.

The eunuchs are not given a salary and instead receive 4 percent of the amount they collect from defaulters, Prasad said.

Only 2,000 of Patna's nearly half million residents regularly pay property taxes and water charges, Prasad said. "Tax collection has slipped to 200 million rupees ($4.34 million) a year from the anticipated 700 million rupees ($15.2 million)," he said.

The eunuchs will be asked to help collect outstanding taxes from private homes soon, Prasad said.

Varanasi street life

There's more to Varanasi than dead people, ghats, and the Ganges (well, in theory I guess). We explored Varanasi's labyrinth of tiny, winding streets and saw a lot of interesting things. You have to keep your wits about you, though, because every 5 seconds a cow, corpse, or motorbike comes around the corner and charges full force towards you. You've got to press yourself against the wall to avoid being run down.

Here's Tanja standing in the middle of the street. Now imagine a corpse being carried past and you'll have an idea of what it's like:



Very twisty and narrow:


Pickle store:


Silk shop:


Produce market:


Fruit stand:


Betelnut vendor:


Basket shop:


Restaurant:


Bead shop:


3 kids (Charise took this photo, but it's so beautiful I wanted to include it!):

The Varanasi experience

I went to Varanasi with about 11 other people, and just getting there was a struggle. Our Spicejet flight was running an hour late. When the plane finally took off from Delhi it flew for about 30 minutes, made horrible noises, then landed suddenly.

I'd been blasting the volume on my iPod because to block out the noise (which I convinced myself was totally normal), so I assumed we were in Varanasi and began preparing to disembark. Someone had to tell me that we we actually had to return to Delhi because the 'seals' were broken. We have no idea what this means, but we are happy to be alive.

Here I am before any of that happened, excited about the trip:



And here are Tanja and Mahin post-emergency landing:



It's funny how living in India makes you kind of blase about 4 hour delays, emergency landings, etc. You just kind of have to go with the flow and laugh at it, or you'll go crazy with impatience and frustration. Anyway, we switched planes and eventually got to Varanasi where there were cars waiting for us:



We stayed at a place called the Hotel Haifa, which I found in Lonely Planet. It's about $10 per night, situated right near the ghats, and comes with little balconies in all the rooms. But the clincher is the popular and amazingly good restaurant, which serves Middle Eastern food. This is the main reason I chose this hotel over any other, and it totally lived up to the bill.

Here's most of our group outside the hotel ready for a night excursion:



We had our first experience with bicycle rickshaws:



These are THE way to travel in Varanasi if you're lucky enough to get a driver who understands your needs. As Tanja and I discovered, you can't judge a driver by his cover, either. Our first driver was about 70 (we were skeptical) but spry as can be. If he'd brought us to the places we actually wanted to go, he would have been perfect. Instead, he dropped us off in the middle of nowhere on two separate tries before we gave up and decided to get to walk (we still had to pay).

Our next driver appeared young and healthy but was SOOOOO slow that even walkers were passing us (this made me giggle uncontrollably). Much to our annoyance, he also wouldn't shut up -- as we rode into oncoming traffic he turned to face us and talked incessantly about what an amazing driver he was. Luckily, we were almost stationary so it was possible for cars to swerve and avoid us. That was a long, painful ride.

On Saturday morning we got up at 5:00AM and took a boat ride on the Ganges to watch the sunrise on the ghats.



A little boy handed us each a floating candle surrounded by flowers. We all made wishes on them and released them into the Ganges, leaving a beautiful little trail of candles in our wake:



Here are me and Charise with our candles:



And here is a series of photos from the boat as the sun started to come up along the ghats:











Some Chinese tourists who apparently thought we were one of the major attractions in Varanasi:



Later, Tanja and I took a walk along the ghats (the rest of the group had to fly back to Hyderabad... the poor things were in Varanasi for less than 24 hours due to the flight delay!). We almost got mowed down by a few territorial cows, and behind us was a constant entourage of people trying to sell us things.







Laundry washed in the uber-clean Ganges and spread to dry on the uber-clean ghats:



Lazy water buffalo (who always face the land, interestingly):



And some lazy goats:



Cute baby goats:



That night, we went to see a puja (Hindu religious ceremony) performed at night on the ghats. It was pretty cool -- lots of music, bells, incense, fire, and synchronized motions by the holy men: